mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
