the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
