They should really pass out barf bags in church
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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