he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
