So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
