apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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