I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
