Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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