I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
