Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
