Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
