i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
