just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
