There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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