How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
