i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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