why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
