I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
