you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
