ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
