Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
