Is it normal to miss your booty call?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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