last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
