Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
