Cold hands, warm shart.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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