Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
