wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
