I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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