what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
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