come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
