oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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