you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
