I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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