I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
