I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
