But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He kissed a someone with a penis
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
