I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
