So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
