it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
