I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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