dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
