I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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