It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
