too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
