Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
