it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
