I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
