so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
