She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
