I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
