I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
