you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
