i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
